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Falling in love is lot like dying, you never get to do it enough to become good at it.
Flat screens are nice and all, but they`ll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
It`s never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.
Wish my girlfriend was awake, could really do with a sandwich right now.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
All these people are talking about finding Jesus, finding love, finding themselves... I`m like I found 63 cents and four Fritos in the couch!
I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because I`m still looking for ideas.
"Sleeping on the couch" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
Would people still go to the gym if Instagram didn`t exist?
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
Dear McDonalds cashier, Don`t give me that look, there`s no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don`t forget the toy b!tch.
I have nothing to update. I`m just making it look like I`m doing something at a party so people won`t talk to me.
Iām not crazy just the voices are!