Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A recent survey revealed that 4 out of 5 women think I`m an a-hole...
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
I didn’t give you the finger. You earned it.
Today I am thankful for dirty text messages, stripclubs, and Jack Daniels
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
Although tequila is highly toxic, it can be used to dissolve the friend zone.
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year.
Women my age expect a man to have his sh!t together by now. Time to start dating younger women.
I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.