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A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
The police never think its as funny as I do.
Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archaeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment.
Coaster? You`re assuming I plan to put my drink down...
is admitting to pushing Humpty Dumpty, he had it coming!!
Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!
Just wrote ‘You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
Don´t be stupid, it´s not smart.
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
I always buy a Get Well Soon card for the couple who invites me to their wedding.
The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."
"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who`s pointing out a constellation