Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something you`re still getting something impressive.
"The Ugly Duckling" has a great message. Everything in life will work itself out once you become physically attractive.
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
I wish I drove a Volkswagen bug. It would be cool to know that every time I drove by a school bus, some kid was getting punched.
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don`t apply the brakes
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.
Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.