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St. Patricks day is the only time you can ask somebody in public,"Do you want some green" without you looking suspect.
SPOILER ALERT for "Finding Bigfoot" TV show - they don`t find him. Again.
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
Never trust a married guys opinion of who`s hot. It`s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
I`m just standing here...50 yards away, waiting for the restraining order to expire.
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
I miss times when I was working at the zoo... my boss fired me just because I left the lion`s gate open.... I mean who would steal a lion
Can I have your number or do you just want the 8 dollars for the drink?
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven`t pooped it out yet ... Really scared now!
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
hilarious
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
I think my phone has a Miley virus,It stopped twerking