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I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
You’re the reason I wake up everyday... Just kidding I have a job!!
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
I like my coffee like I like my women, hot and a lot of alcohol in them
Wouldn`t it be ironical to die in a living room?
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
I`m no auto mechanic but I`m pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes
Half-Drunk is a waste of money.
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
Dear whoever is playing sweet child o` mine at 2:30 in the night at full blaring volume to disturb the whole neighborhood......NICE!
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.