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Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
Our phone falls, we panic... our friends fall, we laugh.
The worst part about being alone is I don`t have anyone to get me a beer from the fridge.
Police ordered me to get out of my car `You`re staggering` said the officer .`you`re not to bad looking yourself` I replied
A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
The mechanic asked if I wanted my tires rotated and I was like, "No thanks, I`m pretty sure they do that all by themselves while I`m driving"
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
"Don`t try this at home"...Okay, i`ll try it at my friend`s house..
Just got rid of 150lbs of ugly fat ... Got divorced.
At least a stalker is there for you.