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Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
+ if you wish you could record your dreams.
We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
Attention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog`s poop.
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
Someone’s going to ruin things; it might as well be me.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
The heat index is somewhere between OMG and WTF!
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the taser wrong.
I need a "previously on your life" recap for the things I didn`t pay attention to.
I`m sorry I slapped you but you didn`t seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.
Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling