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My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
Ya, Wednesday sucks but… it could be Monday!
Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it`s a two-star hotel.
Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archaeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment.
If no one comes from the future to stop you, than how bad of a decision can it really be.
I hope you all have a prosperous New Year ... I may have to borrow money.
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
Don’t bother flirting with the girl from accounting, she knows how much money you really make.
The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
According to new research, too much sex can cause memory loss. Finally, something that explains my ultra detailed photographic memory.
I plan on leaving all my money to the campaign against illiteracy. ...They can`t read this right? lol
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.