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Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.
Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror naked just to remind myself what nobody`s getting.
I went to open a can of Whoop-Ass but it had a child-proof lid.
The last time I touched a breast, it was in a KFC bucket.
A party without Vodka is just a meeting.
Life hack: You can park wherever you want if you put your hazard lights on and take your tire off.
I`ll be damned if after the 5 longest minutes of my life i am going to "allow to cool in microwave for 1 minute"!
Living out of your car isn`t so bad if you keep telling yourself you`re "on tour"
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
I`m "BE KIND & REWIND" years old.
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.