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Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
Does anyone have the owner’s manual for a wife? Mine’s emitting a terrible whining noise.
Sometimes all you need, is 500 million dollars.
It`s possible you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.
And now it`s too hot outside to take down the Christmas lights
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.