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Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
Wife: give me money I want to buy a bra. Husband: you`ve got nothing to put in them. Wife: you wear shorts
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.
Never run after a man or a bus, there is always another one coming.
You may think I`m a loser, but to my goldfish, I`m the god of flakes.
It’s not my fault God gave you boobs to stare at.