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I`m at the "what can I make with green beans and cake mix" stage of needing groceries
ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
I have decided I no longer want to be an adult. So if anyone needs me, I`ll be in my blankey fort... coloring.
People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
This post is just for you.
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
I`ve started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.
It`s kind of creepy that you noticed me staring at you.