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I just found out that checking your credit score actually LOWERS your credit rating. Seriously? That`s like every time you look in the mirror, you get a little bit uglier.
Black Friday is the second closest thing to a zombie apocalypse except they want sales instead of brains.
What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
Spilling a full beer you paid for is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon.
The hardest thing about looking for work is the sobriety.
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
I like you as a friend. Well, more like as a friend of a friend.
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
The point is... Is Imma hug you like a panda nd you`re gunna like it.!(:
Nothing says you mean business more than putting on a bib before you eat a girl out