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Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
Gym Update: Not there.
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
Have we even tried giving Mother Nature a Snickers?
If everything goes as planned, tonight I shall drink myself beautiful.
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.
Why is it that when my wife refers to her friends as "girlfriends" its normal but when i call my male friends "boyfriends" i lose my friends?
My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.
Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
If you aren`t sure if you like someone, here`s a test: imagine they`re dead. Now, was it an accident or did you murder them?
I hope when I die Charlie Sheen`s life flashes before my eyes.
If your online dating profile says "I don`t have sex on the first date" then that`s why you`re on a dating website.
Why get married? Just pick a girl you hate and buy her a house.