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Have we even tried giving Mother Nature a Snickers?
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
You bring everyone a lot of joy ... when you leave the room.
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.
Not one back to school special on beer. What kind of world do we live in.
This year, I`m thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.
For the record "Wanna do it?" is not foreplay....
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.
If you`re looking for happiness, walk to your nearest liquor store.
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
Even hoarders throw their chapstick away if someone else uses it.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.