Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I got drunk last night and watched the most hilarious television show for hours until I sobered up and realized it was just a mirror.
Match dot com, but for socks.
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
For Sale. Old batteries, free of charge.
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
I`m a multi-taking procrastinator. I can put off all kinds of things all at once.
To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I`m sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
I bet my road rage will be taken seriously once I get a car.
If there is not an open bar and a delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
I drank so much vodka last night I woke up with a Russian accent.