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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
It may look like I’m having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.
I`m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
Thanks to the popularity of gifs, we are living in the golden age of silent films.
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.
I wish I had a job where I could punch stupid motherf*ckers in the face all day.
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt
Did you know that if we laid all the facebook account owners end to end around the world. Three quarters of them would Drown? Hmm ....