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wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
Saw a girl with three lip piercings, took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain
I bet Captain Crunch has some amazing abs.
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
Look, if your cart is in the middle of the aisle and I need to get by, then yes, this is bumper cars.
Men are like dogs. We`re excited to see you, and we have no idea what you`re mad about.
Is there another word for synonym?
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up.
I think instead of doing laundry I`m just going to buy a second hamper...
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he’ll probably be like, “Hey, remember when you used to just give me fish?”
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you`re bound to get burned
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)