Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just got back from a vacation in Nevada...turns out that money can by you love.
I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
The recipe I am making says to chill for 30 minutes so I`m sitting back and having a margarita!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
I think, therefore i`m single.
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
If my jokes offend you: 1. I’m sorry. 2. It won’t happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You’re a wussy.
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
We`ve spent years planning and preparing for the zombie apocalypse all for nothing......clowns....its gonna be clowns that finish us off.
take it easy and if it is easy take it home
Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.
Ask not what your father can do for you, but what you can do for your father. Happy Fathers Day!