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Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
I hate when I get to work and I`m at work.
I haven`t been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn`t lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I`ve told to cops.
Would you be a deer and run out in front of my car for me?
I hate it when you can’t find your phone because you left it someplace stupid like in the car or your non-dominant hand.
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
Thought for the day : Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.
It`s never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
Peace on earth would be nice, but not gaining 20 pounds over the holidays would be a Christmas miracle.
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"