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everybody has a girlfriend or boyfriend, and i`m just over here like `i love food`.
Somehow I thought growing up would involve more than staring at my phone
PMS is no joke, you guys. I just ate like three bags of Reese`s Pieces. Oh, and my wife`s really being a bitch.
Do you know how many poisonous apples I`d have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
What about a To-Don`t List?
I start to feel really anxious when my work piles up. I never know what to ignore first.
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free...
Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.
Would you mind going with me to my next Psychologist appointment? He thinks I`m making you up.
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
Running behind is my cardio.
When it comes to speaking Spanish I know the essentials. "Taco, nacho, burrito, cheeto, frito & no comprendo."