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I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
"I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald`s application
I really would like to take a yoga class. But I really can`t trust my farts.
Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove... ..."I`m a zebra."
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last month, but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
Roses are red and sometimes they`re thorny, when I think of you, I get really ...............
I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
It’s not my fault God gave you boobs to stare at.
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted