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I’m sorry I’m late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the f**k he was protecting his eyes from.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you`re ignorant and make bad decisions.
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
Phones are getting smarter and thinner. People, not so much.
Just wrote ‘You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can`t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
"are you as bored as I am?" if you read that backwards, it still makes sense.
A bunch of us are going out for pancakes when Facebook is over, if you want to come along.
If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats. Then go look at Facebook for about 10 minutes.
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
Left the toilet seat up. Wife screaming in 5, 4, 3, 2...
DAMN IT!!!!! I just ripped the tag off one of my Beanie Babies! Now it`s worthless!!
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.