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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
I`d gladly eat raw eggs before my workout provided those eggs were inside brownie batter.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
Don`t judge me just because I sin differently from you.
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
Well I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I`d say my people skills are improving.
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
Reincarnation is my only hope.