Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler`s Anonymous?
Sometimes you can tell it’s going to be a bad day when someone you don’t like is smiling.
I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that`s for here."
I haven`t been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn`t lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I`ve told to cops.
I did 10 minutes of cardio this morning. I was still drunk from last night, and I was trying to tie my shoes but whatever.
Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body!
I was struggling,trying to figure out how lightning works .....then it struck me!
Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers make any f*cking sense.
Well, all I have to say is TGIF. (Post this on any day but Friday to get comments)
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
Sobriety is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...