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The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
Exercise? More like extra fries.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
is bored of being bored because being bored is boring.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
Don’t let anyone push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon because that might actually be fun.
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
I`m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
Research shows that when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" he infact did.
I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they`re going to be talking.
Women forgive and forget but always make sure you don`t forget that they forgave you and forgot about it.
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.