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Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife someone wakes me up.
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
People who drive under the speed limit are probably the same people who drink decaf.
Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I`ll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.
Once again I`ve woken up without super powers. Sigh
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
Why is it that the instant I buy new chap stick, the old one magically reappears?
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.