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There are no winners the day following a green beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.
I`ve set my "life goals" to stuff I`ve already done so literally every day now I`m overachieving. It`s all about perspective.
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
you know why maths is unhappy? because it got so many problems.
I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.
The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
Friends don’t let friends twerk.
i have noticed you notice me noticing you
Relationship status: Private. The only way for it to be.
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
Depression is wanting to lay down and realizing that you are already laying down.
Women- God’s version of a Rubik’s cube.