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So many rules; so little time to break them.
I miss being able to use the excuse "I wasn`t home when you called."
I used to have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lived 150 miles away
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
The wife finally agreed to anal sex... Does anyone know what a strap-on is?
I don’t know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese’s to a box of tampons could literally save lives.
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
Wife: Hi honey, did you miss me? Husband: With every bullet so far...
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
Noise cancelling toilets should be a thing.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.