Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife going thru my phone.
Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until the creepy guy from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower.
"I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon"
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
Can`t reach it. Don`t need it.
I like my relationships like I like my eggs: over easy.
They have all those non-smoking laws in public places so let’s now all focus on passing some perfume/cologne usage limits.
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
You think I’m mean? If only you knew what I say in my head.
There`s 3 ways to get something done: 1. Do it yourself, 2. Hire someone or 3. Forbid your kids to do it.
Accidentally walking through the camping aisle at Target every once in a while is about as outdoorsy as I get.
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”