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I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
“What doesn’t kill you makes you smaller.” ~Mario
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
Just got in 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick an ice cube up off the kitchen floor.
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
Apologising does not mean you are wrong and the other person is right, it just means you value your relationship more than your ego.
My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
My new year`s resolution is that donuts have no calories.
I`d care more about your feelings if they came with a toy and chicken nuggets.
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
I`m not saying I`m out of shape but I just stretched, got winded, and need to lie down
I wan`t you to know that someone cares. not me, but someone.