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Iām going to start telling women that Iām available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
Of course it`s you. If it was me I wouldn`t even bring it up.
If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
If it requires pants, its not happening today.
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.
Do not drink and drive.. because there are people out there who text and drive... and they will hit you and it will be your fault !!
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
Don`t half a$$ it. It`s not a real nap unless you take your pants off.
A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.