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The problem with the rest of the world is that they are always 5 drinks behind.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.
More often than not, the excitement of a Facebook friend request dies upon discovering who it is.
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
Sex, do it for the kids.
This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik`s Cube. If you kids don`t know what a Rubik`s Cube is, it`s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones. Mel
he who laughs last thinks slow
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
Plot twist: WebMD says you`re just thirsty
Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
Not to brag or anything, but I don`t need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.