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Saw a midget go into a store while wearing a KKK outfit and thought... That`s a little racist.
I put on my pants like everyone else. Right after the security guard in Target says "Sir, we`re going to have to ask you to leave."
"What did you do today?" "I text messaged." :)
I`m already getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I`ve given the bird to lots of people today.
Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
The best stories ever told always end with the words”…and then I got the hell out of there.”
A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy`s laptop
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
One small step for man one giant step for a really small man
I never fail to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors when I pick up the other person and throw them out the window.
Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!