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When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it`s there to stab potential taco thieves.
2 words, 1 finger.
Life is full of disappointments, I`ll just add you to the list.
I`ll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where`s my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I`m here! Under your jacket!"
Before criticizing my taste, remember that I like you.
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
I just ate a Cheeto that melted perfectly in my mouth! It was Awesome! ....Until I realised that was the highlight of my day.
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.
Going to make pizza for dinner!! Ingredients Required: Phone, Menu & Credit Card.. Ohhh I can smell it cooking already!! ;)
I may be asking too much of this coffee.
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?