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My resume is really just a list of all the things I never want to do again.
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
hmm ... I wonder what I´m thinking?
My resolution for the New Year is to find more situations where it`s acceptable to wear a bathrobe out in public
I`m late on the give thanks every day in November thing... so let me catch up. Days 1-22. I`m thankful for boobs
Just told my dog "Don`t walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don`t.
What if God is a woman. Not only will I be going to Hell, but I`ll never hear the end of it.
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
The trouble with living alone is that it`s always my turn to do dishes.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol at my house may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?
Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly. Men are like bacon because we`re pigs.
Filling out a job application. Under "Military Experience" I put that I once went commando for 4 days in a row.