Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets
Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don`t get married. If you are over 35, don`t get married. If you are 35, don`t get married.
Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
when I`m quiet, strangers look at me and think I`m shy. People who know me think: OMG! he`s thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
Monday: A terrible way to spend 1/7 of your life.
“Be yourself” is the worst advice you can give to some people.
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!
Life`s short ... Drink fast
Anyone know how much snow is too much snow not to go to the liquor store?
I`m ABSOLUTELY positive I`d accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.