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People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
The brain is like the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
I miss times when I was working at the zoo... my boss fired me just because I left the lion`s gate open.... I mean who would steal a lion
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
I rather be a known drunk, than an Anonimous Alcoholic
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me...