Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can`t hear you" over and over
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
The downside of DVR is getting freaked out by tornado warnings from four days ago
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
DAMN! I`m so drunk that I cooked a pizza for 450 minutes at 15 degrees.
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.
What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?
I really want to take photos of my friends with their face smushed against glass.. Then make that pic my phone contact for them.. Then when they call, it will look like they`re trapped inside my phone! Oh god my life is pitiful, kill me..
Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
All cookies are "bite size" if you believe in yourself enough.