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Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
Relationship status: If I slam on my brakes really hard... The seatbelt hugs me back.
I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I`m Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
Blue&Black or White&Gold? Who cares what color the dress is, so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
If you’re a millionaire and you don’t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool then you should just give me all of your money because you’re wasting it
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
Thanksgiving is a great time to test the boundaries of how drunk you can get before your family members notice.
You say hangover. I say out of booze.
just spilled alphabet soup on my keyboard. I`m so confused
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.