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Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
When someone says I love you over the phone and you don`t feel the same, just say `I love youtube` but say it really fast!
Lord, it`s me... Can you close your eyes for a couple minutes while I deal with a slight problem?
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
Currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!
From all these shows I`ve watched it seems like snipers lay down a lot of the day....I`d probably be pretty good at that job.
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.
If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me.