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We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
It doesn`t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full. There`s clearly room for more Alcohol
Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, `13...13....13...13.` The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. `14...14...14...14....
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
I don`t get why people find drunk text annoying
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
I can almost always tell if a movie doesn`t use Real dinosaurs.
How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
Don`t get into a relationship with someone unless they love you as much as Kim Kardashian loves Kim Kardashian.
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs
You know, rumor has it that the Mona Lisa may have been the first selfie.