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Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That`s like if my bed was named iSex.
Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
I`m not lazy I just really enjoy doing nothing!!
As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
I grew up for this?
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
Judging by all of the cologne and shower sets I got for Christmas either people know I like to smell good or I am failing at it.
Facebook: The only place where you get excited when strangers follow you.
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.