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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
Not to brag, but I don’t need to smoke pot to get the munchies.
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let`s just keep it in the carton, ok?
People think I`m crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
You`ll never see me on Hoarders because I can`t afford that much sh!t.
Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, poverty can’t buy you anything.
I need to do laundry so bad I`m actually wearing Christmas stockings
Exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah`s Fitness.
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It’s not like a murderer will come in thinking “I’m gonna ki..-ahhh. Damn, he’s under a blanket.”