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scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
No one appreciates the special genius of your conversation like the dog does
I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo, because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
Is professional lollygagger an actual job yet?
Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. "Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!!
"you failed just as much as your dads condom."