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I`d swim across the ocean for you.. Lol, Just kidding. There`s f*cking sharks in there.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
I woke up hungover to the sound of my neighbor mowing the lawn. I figure he`ll just have to mow around me. I`m not moving.
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out...you have issues bro
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
If you have fewer than 25 FB friends. Please unfriend me because thats just embarassing and I dont want to be on your "loser" list.
If people in horror movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you’re trying to escape?
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
I`m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
am I the only one who would beat the sh!t out of someone for wearing a "forever lazy" to a tailgate?
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes