Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I left work in slow motion but it didn’t blow up behind me.
It`s funny how when you post a status and some people think it`s about them..Hahahaha it was.
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar, because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and ... hold on, are those nuts?
I bought one of the "Books for Dummies" for 50% off, but I needed help to figure out what the price was.
Me: "I want to travel more." Bank account: "Like, to the park?"
I had no plans on looking sexy today, but sh!t happens.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
I bought my mother in-law one of those atomic clocks. I can`t wait for the alarm to go off.
Note to Self: In future interviews, don`t say "Safe in your strong arms" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years.
lord, we beg you for tupac, and in return you can have justin bieber
Sometimes one middle finger isn`t enough to let someone know how you feel. That`s why we have two hands.
When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.