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My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
Sure you can try and tell me what to do. Or you can keep your teeth.
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
Don`t talk to me about hard times. My dog just licked the last piece of pizza.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook.
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
Thanks to Netflix I can tell my doctor I`ve done a lot of "marathons"
This day needs more yesterday.
Nothing`s more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in CVS was staring at me.
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone