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Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn`t be called nachos.
I never said I was better than everyone else, just better than you.
You know what bothers me? When people assume you`re homeless cause you`re asleep on the street and your pants are gone..
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
Hopefully because of social networking, I`ve tarnished my reputation enough for anybody to ever place me in a role of great responsibility.
I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts.
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
I come from a long line of successful people. I have successfully stopped that tradition.
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."