Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,...Why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.
I don`t get it, no matter how many times I call `shotgun` the cops always put me in the backseat.
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
Everyday I’m shoveling. – Winter 2014
You just don’t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
I`m tired of things costing money
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
Ahhh, the 4th of July. The day where trips to hospital start with the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.