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How easily you’re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
"I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"-Me, every time I drink
Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
So, I hear Colorado`s population has increased 420%.
I think I`m gonna glue my thumbs to my nipples and pretend I`m a T-Rex.
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
If you`ve ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you`ve obviously never been married.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
I don’t care if we don’t talk, your existence still pisses me off.
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
Who did you vote for?? Clinton ? Trump ? Vodka
The original creator of the phrase “common sense” surely didn’t know many people.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".