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I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is talking back right now.
Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody`s pants.
Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.
is having one of those days where they feels like lighting someones face on fire and then trying to put it out with a fork
I’m not a comedian. I don’t tell jokes. I just tell the truth in a way it sounds funny.
No way I’m the only one who crosses their fingers, closes their eyes & holds their breath when checking their account balance.
If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.
why don`t we get discounts for ringing up our own groceries in self checkout?
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know