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I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
Told my kids next time I take their electronics away I`d also be responding to all texts they receive. They`ve been well behaved since.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
I don`t really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
i wish i could sleep ... but my damn A.D.D. kicks in and basically 1 sheep, 2 sheep, cow, turtle, duck, Ol McDonald had a farm, HEEEY Macerena.
Start each day with a positive thought like, "I can go back to bed in about 17 short hours."
If you ever feel sad remember that there’s a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
Sometimes I feel happy, but then the Oreos run out.
I don’t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?