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You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
Some tattoo artists need to just say, "no, I`m not doing this sh!t."
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
I’m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.
Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That`ll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.