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If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
“They dared me to” is ALWAYS a valid excuse.
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
It’s not you. It’s me finally realizing that you’re terrible.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
There are four main food groups: 1. Canned 2. Frozen 3. Fried 4. Drive-thru
This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
Roasted beef is like regular beef except the cows family tells embarrassing stories about it, which are tough and tasteless.
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw
Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.