Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
Friends would describe me as classy, sassy and a bit smart-assy.
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.
Try this... When leaving a fancy restaurant tell the people coming in "I recommend you try the donkey, snail or the squirrel".