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I always laugh at myself. If I didn´t, everyone else would be having fun without me.
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
Just bought myself a mistletoe belt buckle. Wish me luck.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
Best Relationship Advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you`re better off staying home with no pants on.
According to my iPhone Health app, I walked 1,787 steps around this Golden Corral buffet tonight .... So I got that going for me.
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.