Daily Silly Status

I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake.

Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????

eBay sellers - just because you`ve dug your suit/dress out of the back of your wardrobe doesn`t make it vintage. #JustOldAndSmelly

How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to

My wife let me remove all her clothes last night ... From the dryer

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year, and then discover once a year is way too often.

Don`t put off until tomorrow what you can avoid the rest of your life.

Hoodie Footie Pajamas from Pajamagram; because nothing tells a girl you love her like giving her something to cover up her body from head to toe before she gets in your bed.

Just found out my daughter`s super power is repeating what I`ve said about others as soon as she meets them.

I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?

Just once, I`d like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.

was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care

"..all the king`s horses & all the king`s men couldn`t get Humpty together again" ... What guy thought horses might figure it out?

When in doubt, read Facebook Statuses, you`ll see you`re not the only crazy one around

I never drink unless I am alone or with somebody.