Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

is actually feeling pretty much okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
People keep asking me what my resolutions are, like they can`t see I`m already perfect...
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.
"If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~ My son apparently
I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.
No one has ever been in an empty room.
Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!
Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.
I’m pretty sure the whole β€œladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.